Every year families pack up for Westchester, Long Island, or New Jersey citing school quality and green space — but city parents argue you're raising kids who'll never know how to navigate the real world.
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Add your commentMy parents fled Astoria for Nassau County in 1987 specifically 'for the kids.' I am one of those kids. I spent my entire adolescence in a town where nothing happened, learned to drive at 16 out of desperation, and moved back to the city the day after college graduation. I love my parents. They made the right call for them. But let's not pretend it was purely altruistic — they wanted a yard and a driveway and peace and quiet. Which is fine! Just own it.
Moved to Westchester three years ago after our second kid and I'll say it plainly: it wasn't giving up, it was growing up. When you're 28 and childless, a 600 sq ft apartment in Bushwick feels like freedom. When you've got a 4-year-old and a newborn, it feels like a cage. I don't owe New York my entire life just to prove something to people on the internet.
Fun fact: most of the people writing thinkpieces about how great it is to raise kids in NYC do not actually send their kids to the public schools they're always defending. They're at private schools that cost more than a mortgage in Commack. So spare me.
Born and raised in Queens, never left, raised three kids here, they're all fine, actually great. Older one takes the 7 train to work every day. Middle one goes to Fordham. Youngest is in 8th grade at a public school that, yes, has real problems, but also has the most culturally rich environment you will NEVER replicate in a cul-de-sac in Mahwah. So no, it's not impossible to raise kids in this city. People just want the easier path and dress it up as sacrifice.
The 'real world navigation' argument is the most insufferable thing NYC parents say. Kids who grow up in suburbs know how to drive, how to manage schedules without 24/7 options everywhere, how to be bored and figure out what to do with that. Acting like riding a subway at age 10 is some unique life skill that suburb kids lack is just cope.
Can someone explain to me why 'giving up on the city' is even a bad thing? Cities exist to serve residents, not the other way around. If the city isn't serving your family, you leave. That's not defeat, that's rational decision-making. The idea that you owe loyalty to a geographic location is genuinely strange.
To everyone defending the suburban move: genuinely asking, not to fight — do your kids come back to the city? Like as young adults, do they want to be HERE? Because every single person I know who grew up on Long Island moved back to Brooklyn the second they could afford it. What does that tell you about what they actually wanted?
lol 'navigate the real world' — my cousin grew up in Scarsdale, went to Columbia, works on Wall Street. my other cousin grew up in the Bronx and also works on Wall Street. the suburb-to-failure pipeline doesn't exist, people
ok real talk. we almost left for short hills last year. had the spreadsheets, toured three houses, the whole thing. stayed because my husband couldn't stomach the commute and honestly because i cried looking at our block one night and couldn't picture not being here. sometimes it's not even about logic. sometimes you just love the place too much to go. still not sure we made the right call but here we are
Actually I read somewhere that kids raised in urban environments score higher on standardized tests across the board compared to suburban kids because of the diversity of stimulation. So the data is pretty clear that NYC is better for child development. (Someone please fact-check me on this I'm like 60% sure I'm right)
i just want to point out that new jersey isnt even the suburbs its basically a whole different state with its own cities and culture. lumping it in with Westchester like its all the same cookie cutter situation is lazy. hoboken is nothing like wayne is nothing like princeton. the geography in this debate is doing a lot of heavy lifting
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